Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
