BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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