her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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