one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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