You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
