I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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