I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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