im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
