Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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