is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
