You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
