So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize