go do what you do best...puke behind churches
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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