He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
