Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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