sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
