If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
