All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
