it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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