I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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