I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
