Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
