Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They have beer where we have blood.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
