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• (702): View more from Nevada

  chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate

  (415): View more from California

  i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.

  (1-506): View more from New Brunswick

  It's a new year.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm currently drunk proofing my room

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He knew.

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