I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
