i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
