You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So much rum. So many feels.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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