i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
