I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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