two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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