Are we in a gay sports bar?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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