DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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