Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
