i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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