dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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