She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Let's get the cat blown out
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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