so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
