Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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