Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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