Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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