I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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