She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
