i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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