Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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