you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
