i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
