I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
