So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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