oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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