Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
