I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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