ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
