just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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